A friend, whom I have known for a long time wanted to understand how I manage to get along with a lot of people. Over the years, he has noticed that I have a personality that relates well with the “high class”, middle class and poor. I am a friend with the Elites and also with Cleaners; I greet everyone with heartfelt smiles.
Do I sometimes struggle with rejections and bad behaviours from other humans? Yes. The one unique grace I have is that I believe that “1 Wrong doing” towards me should not erase “2 Right things” the individual has previously done for me.
Imagine a colleague named Deborah. She was the first person to extend an arm of fellowship to me when I newly joined the department; then over the following 2-year period, she lent me her helping hand while I was getting up to speed on the technical aspects of my career. Because of her goodwill towards me, our relationship became a friendship; our families became friends too.
Then, I found out from a very reliable source that Deborah made some disparaging comments about me. I confronted her and she neither denied it nor apologised. I had two options: one, break the friendship and become bitter towards her; or two, find an excuse for her in my heart, become a bit more careful around her and keep the relationship as cordial as I can.
Under the sun, I have witnessed situations where people, who used to be good friends, become sworn enemies because of issues that are trivial. I have seen blood relations become “cat and mouse” due to matters that can be easily overlooked.
The one that always puzzles me is when I know that both individuals are mild mannered (or can be considered good people) and yet they can’t find a place in their hearts to forgive each other. Some people would rather destroy that friendship and start another than get magnanimous (and forgiving) towards their friends.
I just don’t subscribe to that school of thought. If a person has ever been good to me, he or she earns a credit in my heart. If that individual does something I consider hurtful, either through words or actions, I owe it to myself and humanity to consider their credits before making a conclusion. It doesn’t hurt to seek to be a good person; friendships are important and the fuel that runs the engine of friendship is called forgiveness or simply put it, letting go.
Sometimes I wonder, “how did Love turn to Hatred so quickly?”. How can I suddenly forget all the good stuffs Deborah did for me over the years because of an action that shows she is imperfect like every other human? The same approach goes for my boss, spouse, parents, kids, brothers, sisters, colleagues, neighbours etc. Good deeds don’t have to be significant gestures alone; ensure to appreciate little things.
Some people consider it blissful to allow their own bitterness to damage their friendship with others; it should take a tsunami type wrong-doing to turn “Love” into “Indifference”; bitterness or hatred should never be an option. For me, one wrong doing from a friend should never cancel two right things the fellow has done. Let’s add a caveat though; extreme caution and carefulness are required for some situations.
Am I an angel? Nope. I am just in love with this view of life. It has made it very hard for anyone to really hurt me; it also makes it easier to let things go. The environment we live in is full of so much hate and animosities that you begin to wonder how we got here.