After an awkwardly lengthy silence, “you are too intelligent for me. You see through everything I do. Every time I try to get you to react a certain way, you don’t because you are already two steps ahead. You are so intuitive, you can tell when I’m about to be sarcastic, even before I say the words. You are incredibly logical and your emotions are too guarded”, he blurted out!
I dramatically sank into the couch in front of him, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape in feigned shock. He looked at me with “side eye”, unconvinced by my act.
“How can you even say those things?” I asked with effort, trying to seem flabbergasted. “You know none of it is true na.”
“Cut the act, Moni; you don’t need me. I know you want me in your life babe but you don’t need me. You are…” He trailed off and covered his face with his palms. He seemed to be at a loss for the right word to use.
No longer acting, “I am… what?” I bent my neck slightly as if to peer at his face through his fingers, a quizzical look on my face.
He dropped his hands and looked straight at me, “Self-sufficient! You are self-sufficient”.
I knew I should have reacted or pretended to, but meh… I quietly retorted, “No one is self-sufficient Dami.”
He stood up. He had that look that said he didn’t care to argue, “I need a lady who needs me Moni and you don’t”. He started to walk away, “and the fact that you are not even protesting right now further validates my point”.
I opened my mouth but the words didn’t come. I leaned into the couch as I watched him go, a little sadness spreading over my chest. I liked him quite alright and I did want him but he was right. His error though, was to assume my lack of neediness is specifically directed at him. I moved over to the reclined chair as I started to reflect on my personality and how it has affected my relationships over the years.
Like most females, I am emotional. However, having had a lot of tough experiences, I learnt how to control my emotions. I usually don’t express how I feel and that sometimes makes me come off as unfeeling. I dare say that I am more logical and rational than the average man.
So where other women may lash out with sentiment, I am more likely to focus on finding solutions to the problem and moving on. My IQ is quite above average too.
There is also the fact that I am very independent-minded. Often times, I think out solutions to problems on my own, rather than ask around. Once I have peace and conviction regarding a solution, that’s the one I implement. When I share my resolve with those I’m close to, I do so to inform and not to seek validation.
It baffles most people that no matter how vehemently they oppose my decisions, more often than not, I still carry through with unflinching confidence. I am not your regular lady at all. I love making my own money and I love spending it too. There is a certain sense of pride and fulfillment I derive from it.
I suppose I can understand why Dami would call me self-sufficient. No one has been able to articulate my traits half as well as he, though he wasn’t the first to allude to them. It’s hard to understand why these traits become a turnoff, especially since men find them attractive at first. Does the whole thing chip at their ego? Do men find it hard to grapple with my kind of personality?
The one time I tried to dumb down my personality, the guy I was dating walked away. He could tell I was dumbing myself down and somehow that hurt him even more… Men! I wondered where I would find one that would not be threatened by my personality. As I got up from the reclined chair, I made a mental note to call Dami in the evening. This time, I’ll do all I can to preserve my relationship.