“70% of married women have sex with men that are not their spouses” Jane (a friend of mine) postulates during a group discussion. “Based on my experience and the married ladies I know, especially the young ones, I believe that 70% is the right number. Allen, gone are the days when only men were sexually flippant, women are experts at doing the same now” she concluded.
Now, I am confused; really confused. Within the context of marriage, I have always thought that about 80% of men and 30% of women have sex with people that are not their spouses. But for a woman to authoritatively tell me that women are as sexually rascally as men in “the school of Adultery” is a hard fact to believe.
For context sake, let me define Jane and the settings of the discussion. We were four guys and one lady, having discussions on a range of issues; Feminism, Chimamanda Adichie, “It’s a man’s world” etc. We are all well educated professionals, middle class with good paying jobs, spiritually conscious people; and happily married too. To the best of my knowledge, none of us is ” playing away game” (the local parlance we use to define the married guys or ladies that have extramarital affairs).
As Jane gave the 70% figure, I said “not possible” while two other gentlemen concurred with Jane’s assertion. The last guy had a look of “not sure I agree with the accuracy but I feel you are close to the right figure” on his face. So, I did what I always do when confused; ask questions to understand perspectives.
Jane reeled out stories after stories of what some married women she knew were into; from the religious to the not-so-religious women. Some of the stories were that of women who were unhappy in their marriages and needed distractions from extremely adulterous husbands and thus the decision to go into extramarital affairs as a form of revenge while some other stories were that of women who had not been satisfied with their sexual lives and wanted more. There were also stories of greedy women who wanted it all and were willing to give what it takes to get that promotion.
There was the story of a particular woman who never got over the sexual prowess of her Ex that she went back for more after marrying another fellow. From Jane’s perspective, the reason why people like me think otherwise about the 70% figure is because most women are secretive. Unlike men, they don’t boost openly about Adultery but in their own inner circles, they talk.
I was perplexed by this discussion. I do not agree with Jane’s assertion but her argument and evidence were compelling. I have always thought, with certainty, that the male gender dominates the School of Adultery; I still hold on to the believe that women are more moral when it comes to having extra-marital affairs. In my experience, when women get married, they tend to be less sexually adventurous outside of their marriage than men. So, I disagree with Jane’s assertion.
Another point to note is that the rise of “extreme” feminism might lead more women to try and match the exploit of men in the School of Adultery. Currently, I know a few women who are aware that their husbands are sexually reckless but yet chose to hold onto the sanctity of their marriages. They have not allowed the bad behaviours of their men to lead them into extra-marital affairs; even though they don’t condone the behaviour, their revenge is not “playing away games”.
My fear is that with the rise of the extreme feminist ideology of “what a man can do, a woman should do better”, these kinds of women may begin to tilt towards sexual recklessness. My hope is that they find happiness and the grace to resolve this internal conflict. If the moral standards in the world will ever improve, look to the women.
I am not against feminism; I am against the extreme version which few people propagate.