I had an interesting discussion with a wonderful lady. She should be in her late thirties, grew up in a southern African country, from a middle-class background, has lived in Europe for many years, married to a White European for about ten years, has two kids, dated many guys (both whites and blacks) before she got married, well educated, middle ground ideology (not extreme conservative or liberal) etc.
She’s a friend I have known for a few weeks; we were discussing a topical issue when I found out she was married to a White European man. Why, I asked? Was there no available African brother in Europe or were they not interested? She went through a litany of relationships she was involved in before she finally decided to settle for the lucky guy (even though she feels she is the lucky one as her husband is a very good guy).
In her opinion, the white guys are better than black guys as husbands because they don’t cheat as much as the black brothers. According to her, a “black brother” has a great babe, who has got all the good features, yet his eyes are not satisfied. They, black brothers, want to be treated like a king but they want to eat burgers from “Mc-Donalds, Sub-Way, Burger-King…add extra names until it becomes five” at the same time. They cheat as if cheating was born with them. It’s almost like they were be-deviled with cheating; they make very silly excuses. Their wives have breast-cup size 34; they run after breast-cup size 36. The wife is yellow, they want to “taste” the black lady; they are never satisfied with what they have. Each black brother, wants to be married but yet wants to continue to keep five other girls as side-chicks.
She said the situation that troubles her about black brothers is that they say “I love you” to all the parties involved in the mess; the wife and all the side chicks. That’s so unreal. “How do you love five women at the same time?” she asked me. I stood there wandering in my thought; she has got very valid points. I know this first-hand because I am a “black brother” (not the type she described though) and I know a lot of black brothers that fit that particular description.
The white guys are not like that she continued. If Love is no longer in the relationship, they move on. They are open about the fact that they don’t love their spouses again; they divorce the lady and allow her to move on. Black brothers will hold on to the marriage as if they are emperors but will continue to cheat on the wives with other women. They claim to love their wives but still sleep with all sorts of “demons in skirts”. They are never satisfied with one woman. According to her, an average black brother is so self-centered that he wants the joy of marital relationship but not the responsibilities that come with it.
“Some white guys also cheat” she said. They cheat because Love is missing or they get carried away. Once caught, another discussion begins in the marriage. But for black brothers, it’s like a trophy. They even encourage each other to go down that route. They see it as a thing of pride as if they are conquering territories. She said the thing she finds amusing is that sometimes when “black brothers” are wooing a potential side-chick, they remove their wedding rings and the mark on their fingers is very visible, yet they deny that they are married.
They cheat like someone who lies compulsively. “If you don’t love the woman any more, divorce her and pay her what is due to her so that she can move on with her life” she said. Nope, black brothers will not do that, she continues. They want you to stay with them as a conquered territory which is very subservient and yet continue their own sexual escapades. White guys cheat and try to make it a private matter, black brothers cheat and still feel that the world revolves around them.
Hmmm, very interesting point of view. As a “black brother” myself, I really don’t have the facts on the white guys like my friend does but I know she is spot on with her claims on black brothers. The rate of divorce is ticking up in Africa; though this trend can be traced to many underlying factors, the chief among them is that as women begin to get more financially empowered, they will be intolerant of any cheating black brother. If you notice, the definition of sex has a new feminine bias; in the past, black brothers used to boast of “using” many sisters but these days, the “black sisters” believe that the brothers are merely providing a service and they (the sisters) are the beneficiaries of that service. With the kind of perspective, it’s a matter of time before the married sisters go on rampage of eating “five different burgers” per time like their male counterparts.
Years down the line, when the conservatism of the African marriage has been damaged beyond repairs, people will start pointing fingers at each other. Few will remember the points my friend is forcefully making about the genesis of the matter. Each one of us (black brothers) will have to make his judgement. The enjoyment of today will be the destruction of our most sacred institution: Marriage. Let’s preserve the sanctity of marriage – no cheating by either side.