Do gorgeous people fart?
It was an international conference, in Houston, with various participants from all parts of the world. There were so many gorgeously dressed men and women, the room was filled with the scents of their perfumes, skins were looking flawless from the expensive make-ups…. I can go on and on; the shoes, you can smell the leathers; and those bags, unbelievable. Okay, enough. As I walked from stall to stall, looking dapper in my suit, a thought flashed through my mind, “do these people fart?”
Farting is crazy. My struggle with it is one of my craziest; when alone, it is sweet experience. The challenge is when it appears when I am in the train, airplane or on the queue at the airport. Now you can imagine the struggle to get it back inside. Let me share two crazy experiences.
It was my first semester in college and my heart was still very truthful; I had not been corrupted by the razzmatazz of college. I remember vividly the scene, it was a practical section in the Biology lab and a group of young students were hobbled around the lab bench when this particularly troublesome fart arrived. Honestly, I struggled with it, it overcame but was mercifully silent. For few minutes, everything looked okay until suddenly, the lab scattered, literarily. Everyone took off to the nearest window or door, swearing at the person who released the “gas”.
I had no idea that the fart was going to be that bad and smelly; the guilt that followed ensured that I stayed at the lab table when everyone ran off. Normalcy returned after some minutes, one by one the students came back to the table. From the look on some of their faces, they thought I was a mature student who would not be over dramatic about a mundane issue; they did not suspect me. Then!!!, stupidity entered into me. I opened my mouth and apologised for releasing the “gas”. I won’t tell you what happened next.
[dropcap]The[/dropcap] other experience was about a beautiful lady I used to know while in college. We used to call her Landy. She fitted the description of those well packaged individual I mentioned above. I used to wonder if angels like that farted. Unfortunately, she did her thing openly and I could not erase the image from my head till I left college. It was exam preparatory period for the fall semester and students would normally gather in the library at night to read till the dawning hours of the morning. On this fateful night, there was perfect silence and Landy was fast asleep in the library when we suddenly heard that heavy fart. It felt like a bomb. Everyone in that section of the library looked up immediately but no one laughed. We could not really pin-point the culprit, so each person looked around suspiciously. All the while, Landy was still in deep sleep. Few seconds after the first bomb, while people were still looking around, Landy sent the second bomb. The library scatter with laughter. I never knew some nerds could laugh that hard; Crazy. The noise was so loud that Landy woke up briefly as if she was in a trance, then slept off again. Unfortunately, that was the image of Landy that glued to my memory.
This is a situation we hardly talk about. How are your farts treating you? Do they just show up un-invited and you have to battle not to do a “Landy”? If it makes you feel better, you are not alone. Ignore the packaging, it happens to all of us. Share your story, feel human.